I have had my fair share of heartbreaks and setbacks on the road to finding a committed and loving relationship. At some point I decided that each heartbreak had something valuable to offer me. The most valuable gift every time my heart gets broken is the gift of knowing that I am only as valuable as I am to myself.
The heartbreaks won’t ever stop coming as far as I know and that is OK with me. It’s OK because it means that I am still putting myself out there in the world offering my best self. The mantra I use daily, I’ve been doing it so long now it’s almost unconscious, is this: “Here’s me on a silver platter, take it or leave it.”
For so much of my life I wanted to be liked, needed, wanted, and important to people. This left me lonely, disrespected, and constantly fighting my intuition. In a coaching session that I had with Heather Steele of Steele Communications 6 years ago she asked me, “Rebeccah, do you want to be “liked” or respected?” Her question took my breath away. I didn’t know how to answer her at first. Then I thought, that is it. Drop needing to be liked and you get your freedom.
That coaching session and that particular ah-ha moment changed my life.
I look at each heartbreak as a triumph because I understand that I will not be able to please everyone or be liked by everyone all the time. At this point in my life I am OK with that. As far as I’m concerned taking full responsibility for me and my ability to respect myself is where my freedom lies. When I dropped trying to please the world I learned how to authentically connect with people. The connections I make give me rocket fuel for my life.
I get really emotional often. I allow myself to get really real about when I am sad, scared, and angry because I know that there is something in me that needs to come out. For a long time I thought I would scare men off if I was fully myself. I actually did scare some off I think but that just allowed me to fast forward into the relationship that I have now with my husband.
For all of you looking for a new relationship or wanting to recreate the relationship that you are currently in, I challenge you to be your 100% authentic and non-edited self for 30 days. Strive to only concern yourself with whether or not you are proud of you. No matter how hard you try you won’t get the kudos you are looking for from the world unless you are already rock solid about who you are and why you are doing what you are doing. When you get there you can truly connect with people and that is the foundation that great relationships are built on.
Don’t avoid having your heartbroken. When you do that you end up breaking your own heart by cheating yourself out of great connections and relationships. Say to the world, “Here is me on a platter, take it or leave it.” Just don’t leave yourself by trying to please the world.